Guest post by Linda A. Keller, LCSW, LMFT
“He is furious that she introduced the kids to her boyfriend and he is digging in his heels.”
“They are at a stalemate on this one issue and may head for litigation.”
These are a few of the phone calls I have received from attorneys. If a Divorce Coach (specifically a skilled mental health professional, trained in mediation, couples counseling and collaborative practice) had been involved in these cases from the beginning, most likely none of the above situations would have occurred and I never would have received the calls. Here’s why:
- A COLLABORATIVE TONE: Many clients expect a battle. They frequently believe they will not be heard or understood. The Divorce Coach provides pathways to communication beyond resentment, sadness or anger. Individuals and couples are guided in ways that help them work collaboratively with their attorneys and with each other.
- CREATING A SAFE ENVIRONMENT: Divorcing clients deserve both reassurance and comfort. Because the office of a Divorce Coach is not primarily connected with the legal process, it is a comfortable location for a couple or individual to explore the process at its beginnings.
- INSIGHT: An experienced Divorce Coach quickly comprehends emotional and behavioral issues and dynamics. Communicating these to attorneys, with permission from clients, helps everyone both humanly and strategically develop a successful divorce process.
- COMMUNICATION SKILLS: When discussions move into uncomfortable territory, a Divorce Coach has the skills and experience to assist clients in using communication tools that will help them move forward. The Divorce Coach can assist either a couple or an individual client.
- CHILDREN: It is essential that a Divorce Coach be knowledgeable about gender patterns and child development. Although stemming from love and care, some parents’ ideas about shared time with their children may not be beneficial at certain ages. The seasoned Divorce Coach will share developmental information with clients and attorneys so that the children’s best interests are understood by all.
- PARENTING FIRST: It is both wise and pragmatic to work on a parenting plan early on, using a Divorce Coach to assist in its development. Cooperative planning is easier for a divorcing couple when an initial focus is on what benefits their children. With experience in couple communication and family dynamics, a qualified Divorce Coach can help them do this, with attention to even the thorniest of subjects. Once accomplished, guidelines for cooperation are created for on-going work with attorneys.
My own experience has been one of successfully helping couples and individuals transcend the emotional difficulties of divorce. Together, we have successfully created specific parenting arrangements that don’t require additional attention as time goes on. Together we have found new roads to communication. The process of coordination with attorneys and the end results have been satisfying to all.
My MAIN MESSAGE here is this: Don’t wait to make a phone call like one of those above before you engage someone like me in the process! By then, it can be too late to perform a rescue operation. Whether you are an attorney or a potential client reading this article, include a Divorce Coach as an integral part of your divorce team at its beginning.
Linda Keller has collaborated with attorneys throughout Connecticut on both mediated and litigated divorces. She is an accomplished divorce coach, parenting coordinator, and therapist to couples, individuals, children and teens. You can call her at (203) 222-0250.
